Too much, too soon (1)

"Like many high school relationships, our romance was premature - too much, too soon," says author of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Joshua Harris.

That, in essence, is the epitomy of high school relationships: too much, too soon (not to mention, too much, too soon that doesn't even need to happen!)

All us good, Christian teens know we need to keep our relationships pure, but that doesn't just mean sexually pure. While that is a huge part of purity, Josh Harris says, "God not only wants me to act differently [refrain from sexual immorality]; He wants me to think differently - to view love, purity, and singleness [yes, singleness!] from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle, and a new attitude."

He goes on to describe Christ's love for us [the church] as a model of what our relationships should look like: selfless! Not selfish, like most "dating" relationships in our world (many of which are too much, too soon), but selfless like a perfectly holy God sending His only Son to take away our sins, to make us white as snow. That is the ultimate example of what relationships should look like.

1 John 4:10-11 says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

"Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship.' They're not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or here even when there's nothing it it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her," says Josh.

Wow, take a moment and think about that. Powerful words right there.

He continues on and says, "I have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if I'm not ready to consider marriage. Until I can do that, I'd only be using that girl to meet my short-term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term."

I certainly don't want to be used, and [in application of the Golden Rule] don't want to use others!

"Before two people are married," says Josh, "love is expressed in self-control, patience, and even words left unsaid." Love is not expressed by sitting as close to each other as humanly possible or always holding hands or whispering sweet things in each other's ears. No, it's quite the opposite!

"When we make God's glory and other people's needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives as well," said Harris.

So, you know Josh Harris kissed dating goodbye, but maybe it seems to extreme to you. To make one thing clear, he doesn't suggest everyone completely stop dating. Some people are mature enough and have enough self-control, but let's be honest, we don't need to date, at least at my tender and young age of 15 (almost 16). I know I'm not ready for it. Take a hold of singleness while you still have it (this will come up later in the book, and in my blog).

"Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We'll answer to God."