Purity: A Direction, Not A Line (7)

Previous blogs to read first: Welcome, Too Much, Too Soon (1), Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2), DEFECT! (3), A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4), and Looking Up "Love" In God's Dictionary (5), The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing (6)

Many times we think of purity and impurity seperated by a line. You often hear the phrase, "Don't cross the line."

But I argue, along with Joshua Harris, that purity is not a set, defined line; it is a direction, a lifestyle. Walk the talk that you talk.

"We esteem purity too little and desire it too late. Even when we try to assert its importance, we render our words meaningless by our contradictory actions," says Harris.

Back to the line. Many of us think it's okay if we don't cross the line, if we don't go all the way. We think we're still pure if we maintain that boundary - whatever the boundary is.

But Joshua Harris says, "True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise."

We all know the story of David, the "man after God's own heart" who fell into the sins of adultery and murder. That doesn't seem to give us much hope, does it? But we can have hope if we flee temptation and impurity as soon as we see it's flourishing. David didn't flee the image of Bathsheba when he saw her bathing on her rooftop, and from that little mistake a whole flock of regretful sins flourished.

Purity and impurity... where's the line drawn?

"Often in dating relationships, impurity starts long before the moments of passion in backseats. Instead it begins in our hearts, in our motivations and attitudes," says Josh. David's first step away from purity was the lust IN HIS HEART for Bathsheba when he first saw her bathing. Matthew 5:28 says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Josh continues, "We have to understand purity as a pursuit of righteousness. When we view it merely as a line not to cross, what keeps us from going as close as we can to the edge? If sex is the line, what's the difference between holding someone's hand and making out with that person? If kissing is the line, what's the difference between a good-night peck and fifteen minutes of passionate liplocking?... We cannot simultaneously explore the boundaries of purity and pursue righteousness...True purity flees as fast and as far as it can from sin and compromise."

Admit it. Many of us wear a "purity ring" or a "purity bracelet," or we've just plain committed to being pure. Not to say that those are bad things - they can in fact be very, very helpful. But if we make the commitment inside we've got to carry it out outside. That means NOT continuing relationships that encourage physical expression. It really comes down to whether we're willing to give up things so we may honor God fully in our lives. Easier said than done, I know, but when God is your focus, it won't be hard in the long run. You'll never regret purity.

Josh gives three pointers to help put our "purity into action" and help us maintain the direction of purity:

1. Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy.

Despite what the world around us says, "physical intimacy is much more than two bodies colliding. God designed our sexuality as a physical expression of the oneness of marriage," says Harris. When we're married, we're literally one flesh, which literally means we own each other's bodies. Before marriage, we don't "own" anyone else's body and therefore have no right to violate their purity.

2. Set your standards too high.

Sadly, many teens and young adults, even older adults, don't even have any standards.

Some examples of high standards are:

- Never being in a room alone with someone of the opposite sex.

- Not kissing until the wedding day.

- Not holding hands.

I know, they sound extreme, and they're not for everyone, but are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay pure and pursue righteousness, even if it means setting your standards that high?

"Physical interaction encourages us to start something we're not supposed to finish, awakening desires we're not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off," says Harris.

Back to point #1. The beautiful thing about marriage is we start something we CAN finish, we awaken desires we CAN complete, we can turn on passions we NEVER have to turn off. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? You don't want to give yourself away to other people and then not have as much to give to your spouse do you?

And don't tolerate sin. If you're in a relationship where you're boyfriend insists you hold hands, which insists that you kiss, which insists that you snuggle on the couch, which insists that you sleep together... you see where I'm going. Don't tolerate sin! "Tolerated sin is pampered sin - it grows and gains strength," says Joshua Harris. Now, holding hands may not be sinful, but it may arouse sinful desires.

You may be thinking you're a good Christian who has high standards and would never do something that radical before marriage. Well, beware brothers and sisters. Remember King David, a "man after God's own heart"? Don't think you're safe from the trap of impurity. Joshua Harris shares this story in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye:

"In an e-mail, seventeen-year-old Mandi told me the sad story of how her once 'very high standards' were steadily eroded by her boyfriend. Mandi came from a strong Christian home, was active in her youth group, and planned to be a virgin on her wedding night. But 'little things' like extra-long hugs, hand-holding, and kisses on the neck were her resolve. 'I didn't rearlize how "just kissing" brings on tons of other emotions that I never knew existed,' she told me. 'Two days before our two-year anniversary I finally gave in, and I lost my virginity. The shame that covered me was indescribable,' she recounted. 'Later on that day I took a shower and scrubbed my entire body a million times, thinking this would make me feel clean. It only left some red makrs that my tears blinded me from noticing.'"

Set your standards too high. You'll never regret purity.

3. Make the purity of others a priority.

This is one of my favorite parts of this whole book, because I think as Christians we have a certain commitment to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and we need to be seeking to maintain their purity even if it means going out of our way.

The Guy's Responsibility

Joshua Harris, obviously a male, comes at you guys and tells you this (and as a girl, I heartily agree):

Stop acting like hunters trying to catch girls and begin seeing yourselves as warriors standing guard over them. I love that analogy so much. You have no idea how much it would mean to me, or probably any girl, to have you, guys, guard over us like that instead of knowing that you're watching our every move with lust in your hearts.

Be sincere and honest in your communication. Sarcasm is funny... to a point. We like humor, but we like deep, thoughtful, and serious conversations too. We want honesty, not superfical jokes and innuendos that we see in the movies. We're not all airheads.

Swear off flirtatiousness and refuse to play games that lead us (girls) on.

Harris says, "I want to be the kind of friend to whom girls' future husbands could one day say, 'Thank you for standing watch over my wife's heart. Thank you for guarding her purity.'"

I've heard my guy friends laugh at that comment, but I would want my husband to be able to say that to my guy friends. Trust me guys, purity isn't funny. It isn't a joke.

The Girls' Responsibility

First of all, I'm going to say I want feedback. If you're a guy and you have any other suggestions, please chime in, leave me an e-mail, a comment, whatever, but I want to know what you think!

Girls, be aware of how easily your actions and glances can stir up lust in a guy's mind. Us girls are emotionally driven, most guys are visually driven. Enough said.

And, please, consider more than just fashion when shopping for clothes. Consider modesty so you can protect the hearts of your male friends. Josh told a story of his friend who asks her dad to evaluate every outfit she buys. She wants a godly man's opinion of whether or not it's modest. Not a bad idea. Not an easy idea, but not a bad idea.


"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24)




"A relationship devoid of purity is soon reduced to nothing more than two bodies grasping at and demanding pleasure. Without purity, the mind becomes a slave to depravity, tossed about by every sinful craving and imagination," says Harris.

I don't know about you, but I see the beauty of purity, and I also see where I've failed. If you're serious about purity, you're probably heartbroken to realize how impure your lifestyle has been thus far. But don't worry, there's also a beautiful thing called forgiveness. My next blog post will be about putting the past behind you, asking for forgiveness, and moving on to live a lifestyle of purity and righteousness.