Previous blogs to read first: Welcome, Too Much, Too Soon (1), Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2), DEFECT! (3), A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4), and Looking Up "Love" In God's Dictionary (5), The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing (6), Purity: A Direction, Not A Line (7)
In Chapter 8 of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, "A Cleansed Past: The Room," Harris tells of a dream he had once. It is called "The Room".
Please take a moment to read the dream. It will inspire and motivate you exceptionally. But remember it is not just a nice story.
Romans 13:12-14
"So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently... not in sexual immorality and debauchery...Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
Maybe you have a particular memory that continues to hound you, a memory that makes you feel unworthy of God's forgiveness. Turn away from it. Don't replay that moment or any others like it. If you've rejected all those behaviors, God has promised to remember them no more (Hebrews 8:12). Move on. A lifetime of purity awaits you.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Purity: A Direction, Not A Line (7)
Previous blogs to read first: Welcome, Too Much, Too Soon (1), Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2), DEFECT! (3), A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4), and Looking Up "Love" In God's Dictionary (5), The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing (6)
Many times we think of purity and impurity seperated by a line. You often hear the phrase, "Don't cross the line."
But I argue, along with Joshua Harris, that purity is not a set, defined line; it is a direction, a lifestyle. Walk the talk that you talk.
"We esteem purity too little and desire it too late. Even when we try to assert its importance, we render our words meaningless by our contradictory actions," says Harris.
Back to the line. Many of us think it's okay if we don't cross the line, if we don't go all the way. We think we're still pure if we maintain that boundary - whatever the boundary is.
But Joshua Harris says, "True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise."
We all know the story of David, the "man after God's own heart" who fell into the sins of adultery and murder. That doesn't seem to give us much hope, does it? But we can have hope if we flee temptation and impurity as soon as we see it's flourishing. David didn't flee the image of Bathsheba when he saw her bathing on her rooftop, and from that little mistake a whole flock of regretful sins flourished.
Purity and impurity... where's the line drawn?
"Often in dating relationships, impurity starts long before the moments of passion in backseats. Instead it begins in our hearts, in our motivations and attitudes," says Josh. David's first step away from purity was the lust IN HIS HEART for Bathsheba when he first saw her bathing. Matthew 5:28 says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Josh continues, "We have to understand purity as a pursuit of righteousness. When we view it merely as a line not to cross, what keeps us from going as close as we can to the edge? If sex is the line, what's the difference between holding someone's hand and making out with that person? If kissing is the line, what's the difference between a good-night peck and fifteen minutes of passionate liplocking?... We cannot simultaneously explore the boundaries of purity and pursue righteousness...True purity flees as fast and as far as it can from sin and compromise."
Admit it. Many of us wear a "purity ring" or a "purity bracelet," or we've just plain committed to being pure. Not to say that those are bad things - they can in fact be very, very helpful. But if we make the commitment inside we've got to carry it out outside. That means NOT continuing relationships that encourage physical expression. It really comes down to whether we're willing to give up things so we may honor God fully in our lives. Easier said than done, I know, but when God is your focus, it won't be hard in the long run. You'll never regret purity.
Josh gives three pointers to help put our "purity into action" and help us maintain the direction of purity:
1. Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy.
Despite what the world around us says, "physical intimacy is much more than two bodies colliding. God designed our sexuality as a physical expression of the oneness of marriage," says Harris. When we're married, we're literally one flesh, which literally means we own each other's bodies. Before marriage, we don't "own" anyone else's body and therefore have no right to violate their purity.
2. Set your standards too high.
Sadly, many teens and young adults, even older adults, don't even have any standards.
Some examples of high standards are:
- Never being in a room alone with someone of the opposite sex.
- Not kissing until the wedding day.
- Not holding hands.
I know, they sound extreme, and they're not for everyone, but are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay pure and pursue righteousness, even if it means setting your standards that high?
"Physical interaction encourages us to start something we're not supposed to finish, awakening desires we're not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off," says Harris.
Back to point #1. The beautiful thing about marriage is we start something we CAN finish, we awaken desires we CAN complete, we can turn on passions we NEVER have to turn off. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? You don't want to give yourself away to other people and then not have as much to give to your spouse do you?
And don't tolerate sin. If you're in a relationship where you're boyfriend insists you hold hands, which insists that you kiss, which insists that you snuggle on the couch, which insists that you sleep together... you see where I'm going. Don't tolerate sin! "Tolerated sin is pampered sin - it grows and gains strength," says Joshua Harris. Now, holding hands may not be sinful, but it may arouse sinful desires.
You may be thinking you're a good Christian who has high standards and would never do something that radical before marriage. Well, beware brothers and sisters. Remember King David, a "man after God's own heart"? Don't think you're safe from the trap of impurity. Joshua Harris shares this story in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye:
"In an e-mail, seventeen-year-old Mandi told me the sad story of how her once 'very high standards' were steadily eroded by her boyfriend. Mandi came from a strong Christian home, was active in her youth group, and planned to be a virgin on her wedding night. But 'little things' like extra-long hugs, hand-holding, and kisses on the neck were her resolve. 'I didn't rearlize how "just kissing" brings on tons of other emotions that I never knew existed,' she told me. 'Two days before our two-year anniversary I finally gave in, and I lost my virginity. The shame that covered me was indescribable,' she recounted. 'Later on that day I took a shower and scrubbed my entire body a million times, thinking this would make me feel clean. It only left some red makrs that my tears blinded me from noticing.'"
Set your standards too high. You'll never regret purity.
3. Make the purity of others a priority.
This is one of my favorite parts of this whole book, because I think as Christians we have a certain commitment to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and we need to be seeking to maintain their purity even if it means going out of our way.
The Guy's Responsibility
Joshua Harris, obviously a male, comes at you guys and tells you this (and as a girl, I heartily agree):
Stop acting like hunters trying to catch girls and begin seeing yourselves as warriors standing guard over them. I love that analogy so much. You have no idea how much it would mean to me, or probably any girl, to have you, guys, guard over us like that instead of knowing that you're watching our every move with lust in your hearts.
Be sincere and honest in your communication. Sarcasm is funny... to a point. We like humor, but we like deep, thoughtful, and serious conversations too. We want honesty, not superfical jokes and innuendos that we see in the movies. We're not all airheads.
Swear off flirtatiousness and refuse to play games that lead us (girls) on.
Harris says, "I want to be the kind of friend to whom girls' future husbands could one day say, 'Thank you for standing watch over my wife's heart. Thank you for guarding her purity.'"
I've heard my guy friends laugh at that comment, but I would want my husband to be able to say that to my guy friends. Trust me guys, purity isn't funny. It isn't a joke.
The Girls' Responsibility
First of all, I'm going to say I want feedback. If you're a guy and you have any other suggestions, please chime in, leave me an e-mail, a comment, whatever, but I want to know what you think!
Girls, be aware of how easily your actions and glances can stir up lust in a guy's mind. Us girls are emotionally driven, most guys are visually driven. Enough said.
And, please, consider more than just fashion when shopping for clothes. Consider modesty so you can protect the hearts of your male friends. Josh told a story of his friend who asks her dad to evaluate every outfit she buys. She wants a godly man's opinion of whether or not it's modest. Not a bad idea. Not an easy idea, but not a bad idea.
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24)
"A relationship devoid of purity is soon reduced to nothing more than two bodies grasping at and demanding pleasure. Without purity, the mind becomes a slave to depravity, tossed about by every sinful craving and imagination," says Harris.
I don't know about you, but I see the beauty of purity, and I also see where I've failed. If you're serious about purity, you're probably heartbroken to realize how impure your lifestyle has been thus far. But don't worry, there's also a beautiful thing called forgiveness. My next blog post will be about putting the past behind you, asking for forgiveness, and moving on to live a lifestyle of purity and righteousness.
Many times we think of purity and impurity seperated by a line. You often hear the phrase, "Don't cross the line."
But I argue, along with Joshua Harris, that purity is not a set, defined line; it is a direction, a lifestyle. Walk the talk that you talk.
"We esteem purity too little and desire it too late. Even when we try to assert its importance, we render our words meaningless by our contradictory actions," says Harris.
Back to the line. Many of us think it's okay if we don't cross the line, if we don't go all the way. We think we're still pure if we maintain that boundary - whatever the boundary is.
But Joshua Harris says, "True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise."
We all know the story of David, the "man after God's own heart" who fell into the sins of adultery and murder. That doesn't seem to give us much hope, does it? But we can have hope if we flee temptation and impurity as soon as we see it's flourishing. David didn't flee the image of Bathsheba when he saw her bathing on her rooftop, and from that little mistake a whole flock of regretful sins flourished.
Purity and impurity... where's the line drawn?
"Often in dating relationships, impurity starts long before the moments of passion in backseats. Instead it begins in our hearts, in our motivations and attitudes," says Josh. David's first step away from purity was the lust IN HIS HEART for Bathsheba when he first saw her bathing. Matthew 5:28 says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Josh continues, "We have to understand purity as a pursuit of righteousness. When we view it merely as a line not to cross, what keeps us from going as close as we can to the edge? If sex is the line, what's the difference between holding someone's hand and making out with that person? If kissing is the line, what's the difference between a good-night peck and fifteen minutes of passionate liplocking?... We cannot simultaneously explore the boundaries of purity and pursue righteousness...True purity flees as fast and as far as it can from sin and compromise."
Admit it. Many of us wear a "purity ring" or a "purity bracelet," or we've just plain committed to being pure. Not to say that those are bad things - they can in fact be very, very helpful. But if we make the commitment inside we've got to carry it out outside. That means NOT continuing relationships that encourage physical expression. It really comes down to whether we're willing to give up things so we may honor God fully in our lives. Easier said than done, I know, but when God is your focus, it won't be hard in the long run. You'll never regret purity.
Josh gives three pointers to help put our "purity into action" and help us maintain the direction of purity:
1. Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy.
Despite what the world around us says, "physical intimacy is much more than two bodies colliding. God designed our sexuality as a physical expression of the oneness of marriage," says Harris. When we're married, we're literally one flesh, which literally means we own each other's bodies. Before marriage, we don't "own" anyone else's body and therefore have no right to violate their purity.
2. Set your standards too high.
Sadly, many teens and young adults, even older adults, don't even have any standards.
Some examples of high standards are:
- Never being in a room alone with someone of the opposite sex.
- Not kissing until the wedding day.
- Not holding hands.
I know, they sound extreme, and they're not for everyone, but are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay pure and pursue righteousness, even if it means setting your standards that high?
"Physical interaction encourages us to start something we're not supposed to finish, awakening desires we're not allowed to consummate, turning on passions we have to turn off," says Harris.
Back to point #1. The beautiful thing about marriage is we start something we CAN finish, we awaken desires we CAN complete, we can turn on passions we NEVER have to turn off. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? You don't want to give yourself away to other people and then not have as much to give to your spouse do you?
And don't tolerate sin. If you're in a relationship where you're boyfriend insists you hold hands, which insists that you kiss, which insists that you snuggle on the couch, which insists that you sleep together... you see where I'm going. Don't tolerate sin! "Tolerated sin is pampered sin - it grows and gains strength," says Joshua Harris. Now, holding hands may not be sinful, but it may arouse sinful desires.
You may be thinking you're a good Christian who has high standards and would never do something that radical before marriage. Well, beware brothers and sisters. Remember King David, a "man after God's own heart"? Don't think you're safe from the trap of impurity. Joshua Harris shares this story in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye:
"In an e-mail, seventeen-year-old Mandi told me the sad story of how her once 'very high standards' were steadily eroded by her boyfriend. Mandi came from a strong Christian home, was active in her youth group, and planned to be a virgin on her wedding night. But 'little things' like extra-long hugs, hand-holding, and kisses on the neck were her resolve. 'I didn't rearlize how "just kissing" brings on tons of other emotions that I never knew existed,' she told me. 'Two days before our two-year anniversary I finally gave in, and I lost my virginity. The shame that covered me was indescribable,' she recounted. 'Later on that day I took a shower and scrubbed my entire body a million times, thinking this would make me feel clean. It only left some red makrs that my tears blinded me from noticing.'"
Set your standards too high. You'll never regret purity.
3. Make the purity of others a priority.
This is one of my favorite parts of this whole book, because I think as Christians we have a certain commitment to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and we need to be seeking to maintain their purity even if it means going out of our way.
The Guy's Responsibility
Joshua Harris, obviously a male, comes at you guys and tells you this (and as a girl, I heartily agree):
Stop acting like hunters trying to catch girls and begin seeing yourselves as warriors standing guard over them. I love that analogy so much. You have no idea how much it would mean to me, or probably any girl, to have you, guys, guard over us like that instead of knowing that you're watching our every move with lust in your hearts.
Be sincere and honest in your communication. Sarcasm is funny... to a point. We like humor, but we like deep, thoughtful, and serious conversations too. We want honesty, not superfical jokes and innuendos that we see in the movies. We're not all airheads.
Swear off flirtatiousness and refuse to play games that lead us (girls) on.
Harris says, "I want to be the kind of friend to whom girls' future husbands could one day say, 'Thank you for standing watch over my wife's heart. Thank you for guarding her purity.'"
I've heard my guy friends laugh at that comment, but I would want my husband to be able to say that to my guy friends. Trust me guys, purity isn't funny. It isn't a joke.
The Girls' Responsibility
First of all, I'm going to say I want feedback. If you're a guy and you have any other suggestions, please chime in, leave me an e-mail, a comment, whatever, but I want to know what you think!
Girls, be aware of how easily your actions and glances can stir up lust in a guy's mind. Us girls are emotionally driven, most guys are visually driven. Enough said.
And, please, consider more than just fashion when shopping for clothes. Consider modesty so you can protect the hearts of your male friends. Josh told a story of his friend who asks her dad to evaluate every outfit she buys. She wants a godly man's opinion of whether or not it's modest. Not a bad idea. Not an easy idea, but not a bad idea.
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24)
"A relationship devoid of purity is soon reduced to nothing more than two bodies grasping at and demanding pleasure. Without purity, the mind becomes a slave to depravity, tossed about by every sinful craving and imagination," says Harris.
I don't know about you, but I see the beauty of purity, and I also see where I've failed. If you're serious about purity, you're probably heartbroken to realize how impure your lifestyle has been thus far. But don't worry, there's also a beautiful thing called forgiveness. My next blog post will be about putting the past behind you, asking for forgiveness, and moving on to live a lifestyle of purity and righteousness.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing (6)
Blogs to be read first: Welcome, Too Much, Too Soon (1), Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2), DEFECT! (3), A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4), and Looking Up "Love" In God's Dictionary (5)
I want to start this section off with a quote by William J. Bennett, the man who arranged the ever-so-popular, Book Of Virtues, which includes the story of impatience called "The Magic Thread." Take a minute to read the story if you have time.
Here's what Mr. Bennett says to introduce the story:
"Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually 'happiness' in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile."
Keep that in mind.
"When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us," says Josh Harris. We must trust God's purpose for singleness and trust His timing for relationships.
In this chapter of I Kissed Dating Goodbye Josh gives us 3 simple truths that can help correct wrong attitudes about the timing of relationships.
1. The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing.
Our society works like this: we microwave our food, e-mail our letters, and express mail our packages. If something is good, we seek to enjoy it immediately. Not to say that enjoying something good immediately is wrong, but the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. You'll see where I'm going with this.
In Ecclesisates 3:1-8 the Biblical principle of "seasons" is presented. Josh Harris argues, and I must agree, that we, in our sped-up society, have lost this principle of seasons. Each season of our lives has a different emphasis, focus, and beauty, and each season yields its own unique treasures. Each season builds on the one before it. For many of us, the season we're meant to be in right now is singleness, but we often make the mistake of taking a good thing (a prime example being premarital sex) out of its appropriate season to enjoy it when we want it. This rushed lifestyle can spoil the beauty of God's plan for our lives.
2. You Don't Need To Shop For What You Can't Afford.
Remember the Little Relationship Principle: The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Harris goes on to say, "Intimacy costs commitment [just as a soda costs one dollar]. If I'm not in a position to pay in the cold, hard cash of commitment, I have no business going shopping for my future mate."
If you spend all your time and energy trying to hunt down your future spouse or (if you think you've already found him or her) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice.
Harris says, "The guy of girl you will one day marry doesn't need a boyfriend or girlfriend...What that person really needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage preparing to be a godly wife or husband. Let's do our future spouses a favor and stop shopping around prematurely."
3. Any Season Of Singleness Is A Gift From God.
1 Corinthians 7:32 (The Message):
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nuturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming holy instruments of God."
Singleness, in the eyes of God, is a a gift, and uparalleled opportunity for undistracted devotion to God.
"Don't do something about your singlehood - do something with it!"
Dating robs us of the gift of singleness. "You might just do God a disservice by wasting its potential on a liftestyle of short-term dating," says Harris.
Trust, Trust, Trust that God Knows Best!
Joshua Harris says, "Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us - both now and in the future."
Contentment is key. 1 Timothy 6:6 says, "godliness with contetment is great gain." Contentment is not a destination, it is a state of mind. If you believe that on the day you will get married, you'll become content, you're probably wrong. If you're discontent in your singleness, you'll probably be discontent in your marriage. Don't miss the gift of the moment.
John Fischer said, "I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again."
Be like Paul: learn to be content whatever the circumstaces (Philippians 4:11), for we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).
"Sometime" by May Riley Smith
Sometime, when all life’s lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgements here have spurned,
The things so’er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life’s dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God’s plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content, poor heart;
God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold;
We must not tear the close-shut leaves apart,—
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think we will say, "God knew the best.”
"When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances...Let's live our todays for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence," concludes Harris.
I want to start this section off with a quote by William J. Bennett, the man who arranged the ever-so-popular, Book Of Virtues, which includes the story of impatience called "The Magic Thread." Take a minute to read the story if you have time.
Here's what Mr. Bennett says to introduce the story:
"Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually 'happiness' in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile."
Keep that in mind.
"When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us," says Josh Harris. We must trust God's purpose for singleness and trust His timing for relationships.
In this chapter of I Kissed Dating Goodbye Josh gives us 3 simple truths that can help correct wrong attitudes about the timing of relationships.
1. The Right Thing At The Wrong Time Is The Wrong Thing.
Our society works like this: we microwave our food, e-mail our letters, and express mail our packages. If something is good, we seek to enjoy it immediately. Not to say that enjoying something good immediately is wrong, but the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. You'll see where I'm going with this.
In Ecclesisates 3:1-8 the Biblical principle of "seasons" is presented. Josh Harris argues, and I must agree, that we, in our sped-up society, have lost this principle of seasons. Each season of our lives has a different emphasis, focus, and beauty, and each season yields its own unique treasures. Each season builds on the one before it. For many of us, the season we're meant to be in right now is singleness, but we often make the mistake of taking a good thing (a prime example being premarital sex) out of its appropriate season to enjoy it when we want it. This rushed lifestyle can spoil the beauty of God's plan for our lives.
2. You Don't Need To Shop For What You Can't Afford.
Remember the Little Relationship Principle: The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Harris goes on to say, "Intimacy costs commitment [just as a soda costs one dollar]. If I'm not in a position to pay in the cold, hard cash of commitment, I have no business going shopping for my future mate."
If you spend all your time and energy trying to hunt down your future spouse or (if you think you've already found him or her) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice.
Harris says, "The guy of girl you will one day marry doesn't need a boyfriend or girlfriend...What that person really needs is someone mature enough to spend the season before marriage preparing to be a godly wife or husband. Let's do our future spouses a favor and stop shopping around prematurely."
3. Any Season Of Singleness Is A Gift From God.
1 Corinthians 7:32 (The Message):
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nuturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming holy instruments of God."
Singleness, in the eyes of God, is a a gift, and uparalleled opportunity for undistracted devotion to God.
"Don't do something about your singlehood - do something with it!"
Dating robs us of the gift of singleness. "You might just do God a disservice by wasting its potential on a liftestyle of short-term dating," says Harris.
Trust, Trust, Trust that God Knows Best!
Joshua Harris says, "Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us - both now and in the future."
Contentment is key. 1 Timothy 6:6 says, "godliness with contetment is great gain." Contentment is not a destination, it is a state of mind. If you believe that on the day you will get married, you'll become content, you're probably wrong. If you're discontent in your singleness, you'll probably be discontent in your marriage. Don't miss the gift of the moment.
John Fischer said, "I have a feeling that a single person who is always wishing he were married will probably get married, discover all that is involved, and wish he were single again."
Be like Paul: learn to be content whatever the circumstaces (Philippians 4:11), for we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).
"Sometime" by May Riley Smith
Sometime, when all life’s lessons have been learned,
And sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgements here have spurned,
The things so’er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life’s dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God’s plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content, poor heart;
God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold;
We must not tear the close-shut leaves apart,—
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think we will say, "God knew the best.”
"When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances...Let's live our todays for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence," concludes Harris.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Looking up "Love" in God's dictionary. (5)
Blogs to be read first: Welcome, Too Much, Too Soon (1), Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2), DEFECT! (3), A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4)
What is love?
Many of us good Christians will spit out 1 Corinthians 13, the "Love Chapter," but this particular chapter in the Bible has more significance than probably many of us every realized. Paul, the author of 1 and 2 Corinthians, wrote about God's love to the people there, and that was the equivalent of writing a letter on family values to Hollywood today. Corinthian was synonymous with immorality.
*Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Cor. 13:4)*
"How could these people possibly understand the true meaning of the statement 'God is love' (1 John 4:16) when on every street corner and from every brothel someone offered their version of "love" - sensual pleasure - to them?" asks author, Joshua Harris.
*It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Cor. 13:5)*
Would they - will WE - choose everlasting or fleeting pleasure? The world today is the same as it was in Paul's day. It screams at us from newspapers, magazines, billboards, and movies: "Love is sex...Sex is plasure...Pleasure is all that matters."
*Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:6-8)*
~t~h~i~n~k~~a~b~o~u~t~~i~t~~
John 13:34 gives us the pattern for true love: "As I [Jesus] have loved you, so you must love one another." As Christians, we are to model God's love to the empty and lost world.
Josh says, "People watch us, and what they see affects God's reputation for loving His creation. If we claim to follow Christ then wear the world's twisted style of love, we drag the name and character of our Lord in the dirt."
Are you dragging Jesus in the dirt?
As I've mentioned in the previous chapters, the world's version of love is all about pleasing me. What can I get out of it? We're also told that love is a feeling.
The song, "Hooked on a Feeling" popped into my head right now. It clearly describes the world's definition of love:
"I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me...I'm hooked on a feeling, I'm high on believing, that you're in love with me."
On the topic, Harris says, "Our feelings by themselves don't do others one bit of good. If a man feels love for the poor but never gives money to help them or never shows kindness to them, what are his feelings worth? They may benefit him, but if his actions don't communicate love, his feelings mean nothing...By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love into action."
We're also told that love is beyond our control. We say, "I fell in love," or "We're madly in love." Do you realize you're comparing love to a pit or a mental disorder? We say this because it removes personal responsibility.
The popular Alicia Keys song, "Fallin'" describes this pattern of thinking oh-too-well:
I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused
I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I loved you
Oh, Oh, I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain, yea yea
'Cause when I think
I'm taking more than would a fool
And I start fallin' back in love with you
It all sounds so true though, doesn't it? That's because it's all the world tells us - that we can't help it, that we have no control.
I love the way Josh Harris puts this:
"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"
Does that not bring you to tears? To think that we go on and play the fake game of love with the world, when God sent His only Son to show us what true love is? It's time to stop ignoring God!
In His death, He taught us that love is for the glory of God and the good of others - not the fulfillment of self. John 5:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
Christ also taught us it's NOT a feeling. Harris describes it like this, "(see Mark 14, where Jesus prays in the garden of Gethsemane) He clearly didn't feel like enduring the beatings, hanging on the cross, and enduring God's wrath for sin. But He submitted himself to His Father's will. Jesus' feelings were not the test of His love, nor were they His master."
We express true love in obedience to God and service to others - and we choose these behaviors.
Harris goes on to say, "[Clearly,] God's true love clashes with dating as we know it...When we extract the poison of self-love, our entire motivation in relationships is transformed...Our feelings can lie to us!"
Love must be sincere. God tells us this through Paul in Romans 12:9. This simply means genuine and earnest, not hypocritical. Josh told a story of the "schemes" of some guys he knew. He described it as a study in manipulation. They merely wanted to push emotional buttons [on girls] to get something for themselves. That doesn't sound like genuine love to me. And I certainly don't want anyone pushing my buttons!
There's a popular song in the contemporary Christian genre that says, "They will know we are Christians by our love...Love is patient, love is kind, never boasts, not full of pride, always hopes, always trusts, the evidence of Christ in us." How true.
The love we practice now prepares us for future relationships. Today we form patterns that we'll take with us into our marriage. Let that pattern by commitment based love! In saying this, dating as we know it today doesn't prepare us for marriage, it prepares us for divorce!
This doesn't mean we have to marry the first person we date. No, we have to wisely consider marriage, and be willing to obey God.
"True love waits, but not just for sex. It waits for the right time to commit to God's brand of love - unwavering, unflagging, and totally commited," says Harris.
Hopefully you realize the sanity of the book finally. We cannot love as God loves and date as the world dates.
Please, it would be my greatest joy, even if I don't know you, for you to take this into consideration and look out for your brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as being an example to the world.
What is love?
Many of us good Christians will spit out 1 Corinthians 13, the "Love Chapter," but this particular chapter in the Bible has more significance than probably many of us every realized. Paul, the author of 1 and 2 Corinthians, wrote about God's love to the people there, and that was the equivalent of writing a letter on family values to Hollywood today. Corinthian was synonymous with immorality.
*Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Cor. 13:4)*
"How could these people possibly understand the true meaning of the statement 'God is love' (1 John 4:16) when on every street corner and from every brothel someone offered their version of "love" - sensual pleasure - to them?" asks author, Joshua Harris.
*It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Cor. 13:5)*
Would they - will WE - choose everlasting or fleeting pleasure? The world today is the same as it was in Paul's day. It screams at us from newspapers, magazines, billboards, and movies: "Love is sex...Sex is plasure...Pleasure is all that matters."
*Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:6-8)*
~t~h~i~n~k~~a~b~o~u~t~~i~t~~
John 13:34 gives us the pattern for true love: "As I [Jesus] have loved you, so you must love one another." As Christians, we are to model God's love to the empty and lost world.
Josh says, "People watch us, and what they see affects God's reputation for loving His creation. If we claim to follow Christ then wear the world's twisted style of love, we drag the name and character of our Lord in the dirt."
Are you dragging Jesus in the dirt?
As I've mentioned in the previous chapters, the world's version of love is all about pleasing me. What can I get out of it? We're also told that love is a feeling.
The song, "Hooked on a Feeling" popped into my head right now. It clearly describes the world's definition of love:
"I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me...I'm hooked on a feeling, I'm high on believing, that you're in love with me."
On the topic, Harris says, "Our feelings by themselves don't do others one bit of good. If a man feels love for the poor but never gives money to help them or never shows kindness to them, what are his feelings worth? They may benefit him, but if his actions don't communicate love, his feelings mean nothing...By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love into action."
We're also told that love is beyond our control. We say, "I fell in love," or "We're madly in love." Do you realize you're comparing love to a pit or a mental disorder? We say this because it removes personal responsibility.
The popular Alicia Keys song, "Fallin'" describes this pattern of thinking oh-too-well:
I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused
I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
I never loved someone the way that I loved you
Oh, Oh, I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain, yea yea
'Cause when I think
I'm taking more than would a fool
And I start fallin' back in love with you
It all sounds so true though, doesn't it? That's because it's all the world tells us - that we can't help it, that we have no control.
I love the way Josh Harris puts this:
"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"
Does that not bring you to tears? To think that we go on and play the fake game of love with the world, when God sent His only Son to show us what true love is? It's time to stop ignoring God!
In His death, He taught us that love is for the glory of God and the good of others - not the fulfillment of self. John 5:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
Christ also taught us it's NOT a feeling. Harris describes it like this, "(see Mark 14, where Jesus prays in the garden of Gethsemane) He clearly didn't feel like enduring the beatings, hanging on the cross, and enduring God's wrath for sin. But He submitted himself to His Father's will. Jesus' feelings were not the test of His love, nor were they His master."
We express true love in obedience to God and service to others - and we choose these behaviors.
Harris goes on to say, "[Clearly,] God's true love clashes with dating as we know it...When we extract the poison of self-love, our entire motivation in relationships is transformed...Our feelings can lie to us!"
Love must be sincere. God tells us this through Paul in Romans 12:9. This simply means genuine and earnest, not hypocritical. Josh told a story of the "schemes" of some guys he knew. He described it as a study in manipulation. They merely wanted to push emotional buttons [on girls] to get something for themselves. That doesn't sound like genuine love to me. And I certainly don't want anyone pushing my buttons!
There's a popular song in the contemporary Christian genre that says, "They will know we are Christians by our love...Love is patient, love is kind, never boasts, not full of pride, always hopes, always trusts, the evidence of Christ in us." How true.
The love we practice now prepares us for future relationships. Today we form patterns that we'll take with us into our marriage. Let that pattern by commitment based love! In saying this, dating as we know it today doesn't prepare us for marriage, it prepares us for divorce!
This doesn't mean we have to marry the first person we date. No, we have to wisely consider marriage, and be willing to obey God.
"True love waits, but not just for sex. It waits for the right time to commit to God's brand of love - unwavering, unflagging, and totally commited," says Harris.
Hopefully you realize the sanity of the book finally. We cannot love as God loves and date as the world dates.
Please, it would be my greatest joy, even if I don't know you, for you to take this into consideration and look out for your brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as being an example to the world.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
A Whole New World [er, Attitude] (4)
*
Blogs to be read before this one:
Welcome
Too Much, Too Soon (1)
Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2)
DEFECT! (3)
*
As I noted in the previous blogs, it's time for a new attitude toward relationships. Maybe you're thinking it's impossible. You're either roped down in a worldly relationship and don't know how to change or you either just don't want to change. Whatever the attitude is, there's hope for change.
Ephesians 4:22-24
"Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true."
Not only is there hope for change, there is a command for change!
Josh Harris makes 5 "attitude changes" to help us on our road to purity, true love, and the gift of singleness.
1. Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love.
From a girl's perspective, friendships with guys are opportunitites to love them as Christ does. We're not to treat them as potential boyfriends, but as brothers in Christ. (And the same is true for boys.) Our love for our "brothers" and "sisters" should be sincere, servant-hearted, and selfless, just as Christ's is for us.
2. My unmarried years are a gift from God.
A gift? Yup, that's right. A gift. A sinful, selfish pattern of dating robs us of the flexibility, freedom, and focus of singleness. Please, learn to be content with friendship during the time God wants you to be single. Pursue more effective ministry and deeper friendships with people of both genders! Josh says, "As a single you have the freedom right now to explore, study, and tackle the Word. No other time in your life will offer these chances [with that much freedom]."
3. I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage.
"If too people can't make a commitment to each other, they don't have any business pursuing romance," says Josh. If you're too young or too immature, you especially can't make a commitment of marriage just yet. Harris goes on to say, "God has made each of us with a desire for intimacy, and He intentds to fulfill it. While we're single He doesn't expect these longings to disappear, but I believe He asks us to have the patience to wait and, in the meantime, seek close relationships with family and deep, non romantic relationships with brothers and sisters in the Lord."
4. I cannot "own" someone outside of marriage.
Put simply, until we're ready to commit our lives in marriage, we have no right to treat anyone as if he or she belongs to us. It's not okay to claim another person's time, affection, and future before marriage. Again, too much energy is put on that one person when it should be used for serving the body of Christ and preparing for the future.
5. I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.
Harris says, "Purity consists of more than just remaining a virgin." If you've learned one thing so far, I hope it's that. He goes on to say, "Where, when, and with whom you choose to spend your time reveals your true commitment to purity...Avoid placing yourself in settings that encourage temptation." Josh tells a story of a girl who commited saving sex for marriage, but often placed herself in compromising situations with her boyfriend - homework at her house when her mom's gone, hiking alone, ending their dates in his parked car. Beware! Even the most seemingly-sublte of situations can be opportunities for tempation and lust to flourish.
Unnecessary Baggage
"The God-fashioned life leaves no room for pettiness, insincerity, wasted time, or selfishness... no room for the seven habits of high defective dating." [See post, 'DEFECT! (3)'] "A Christian with his or her eyes on the goal of sincere and intelligent love will find that throwing out the world's approach to dating is no sacrifice."
And I've mentioned it a lot, but I'll say it again (putting as much emphasis on it as Joshua Harris does). Just because you kiss dating goodbye doesn't mean you kiss friendships with the opposite sex goodbye. It doesn't mean get rid of companionship, romance, or marriage... It means to pursue them when God intends for you to.
"Leaving dating behind is a by-product of God's primary desire for us to consume ourselves with Him wholeheartedly," said Josh.
Give God your all, and He'll give you His best. Hand it all over to Him!
Blogs to be read before this one:
Welcome
Too Much, Too Soon (1)
Too Much Icing, Too Little Cake (2)
DEFECT! (3)
*
As I noted in the previous blogs, it's time for a new attitude toward relationships. Maybe you're thinking it's impossible. You're either roped down in a worldly relationship and don't know how to change or you either just don't want to change. Whatever the attitude is, there's hope for change.
Ephesians 4:22-24
"Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true."
Not only is there hope for change, there is a command for change!
Josh Harris makes 5 "attitude changes" to help us on our road to purity, true love, and the gift of singleness.
1. Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love.
From a girl's perspective, friendships with guys are opportunitites to love them as Christ does. We're not to treat them as potential boyfriends, but as brothers in Christ. (And the same is true for boys.) Our love for our "brothers" and "sisters" should be sincere, servant-hearted, and selfless, just as Christ's is for us.
2. My unmarried years are a gift from God.
A gift? Yup, that's right. A gift. A sinful, selfish pattern of dating robs us of the flexibility, freedom, and focus of singleness. Please, learn to be content with friendship during the time God wants you to be single. Pursue more effective ministry and deeper friendships with people of both genders! Josh says, "As a single you have the freedom right now to explore, study, and tackle the Word. No other time in your life will offer these chances [with that much freedom]."
3. I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage.
"If too people can't make a commitment to each other, they don't have any business pursuing romance," says Josh. If you're too young or too immature, you especially can't make a commitment of marriage just yet. Harris goes on to say, "God has made each of us with a desire for intimacy, and He intentds to fulfill it. While we're single He doesn't expect these longings to disappear, but I believe He asks us to have the patience to wait and, in the meantime, seek close relationships with family and deep, non romantic relationships with brothers and sisters in the Lord."
4. I cannot "own" someone outside of marriage.
Put simply, until we're ready to commit our lives in marriage, we have no right to treat anyone as if he or she belongs to us. It's not okay to claim another person's time, affection, and future before marriage. Again, too much energy is put on that one person when it should be used for serving the body of Christ and preparing for the future.
5. I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.
Harris says, "Purity consists of more than just remaining a virgin." If you've learned one thing so far, I hope it's that. He goes on to say, "Where, when, and with whom you choose to spend your time reveals your true commitment to purity...Avoid placing yourself in settings that encourage temptation." Josh tells a story of a girl who commited saving sex for marriage, but often placed herself in compromising situations with her boyfriend - homework at her house when her mom's gone, hiking alone, ending their dates in his parked car. Beware! Even the most seemingly-sublte of situations can be opportunities for tempation and lust to flourish.
Unnecessary Baggage
"The God-fashioned life leaves no room for pettiness, insincerity, wasted time, or selfishness... no room for the seven habits of high defective dating." [See post, 'DEFECT! (3)'] "A Christian with his or her eyes on the goal of sincere and intelligent love will find that throwing out the world's approach to dating is no sacrifice."
And I've mentioned it a lot, but I'll say it again (putting as much emphasis on it as Joshua Harris does). Just because you kiss dating goodbye doesn't mean you kiss friendships with the opposite sex goodbye. It doesn't mean get rid of companionship, romance, or marriage... It means to pursue them when God intends for you to.
"Leaving dating behind is a by-product of God's primary desire for us to consume ourselves with Him wholeheartedly," said Josh.
Give God your all, and He'll give you His best. Hand it all over to Him!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
DEFECT! (3)
{before you read this, you may want to check out the 3 blogs that precede it: Welcome!, Too much, too soon (1), and Too much icing, too little cake (2)}
So, why kiss dating goodbye? Good question, really. Simple answer? Yes and no. Let me explain (via Joshua Harris).
Recap: "Dating in and of itself isn't the cause of the problems we see in relationships. Sinful and selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships - it's our own wrong attitudes and values that make for defective dating."
Josh used this example: A bar sells alcohol, but doesn't force anyone to drink. A bar isn't the cause of drunkeness, but it does "encourage" it. Just the same, "the system of dating can encourage the sinful desires of our hearts. No dating doesn't make us sin. And no, getting rid of it wouldn't solve all our problems in relationships. But it would be foolish to pretend that dating itself isn't at least part of the problem."
And as even the Christian world might have us think, self control in and of itself isn't the answer to all of our issues. Is the only mistake in a relationship giving into temptation? I would beg to differ. There's more to it than just outward self-control. Let me explain.
Josh says, "If we continue to date according to the system as it exists today, we'll more than likely swerve into trouble. Good intentions aren't enough."
He [Joshua Harris] presents 7 habits of highly defective dating [the following are all direct quotes from I Kissed Dating Goodbye]:
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship. One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and a girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly. C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal, [not standing face to face, the goal being each other.] Intimacy without friendship is superficial.
2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love. The early introduction of physical affection adds confusion. Just because lips have met doesn't mean hearts have joined. A physical relationship doesn't equal love! Sadly, many couples guage the seriousness of their relationship by the level of their physical involvement. Focusing on the physical is plainly sinful. God demands sexual purity. He does it for our own good! Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. He doesn't want us to live with guilt and regret. Physical involvement can make people feel close, but they will probably discover all they have in common is lust.
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships. It's [just plain] not wise to isolate yourself from others. You put yourself in a precarious position if you isolate yourself from the people who love and support you because you dive wholeheartedly into a romantic relationship not grounded in commitment. If you don't invest time or effort to maintain friendships with others while in a dating relationship, you will find your ties to other friends severed.
4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. Being distracted by love is not such a bad thing - unless God wants you doing something else. Instead of serving in their local church and equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes. Maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy. The energy many exert steals from other pursuits.
...hang in there, only 3 more to go...
5. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness. God gives us singleness - a season in our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service - and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. We might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obviously doesn't have for us yet [i.e. marriage] to rob our ability to enjoy and appreciate what He has given us. Dating causes people to focus on what they don't have.
6. Dating can create an artifical environment for evaluating another person's character. Dating creates an artifical environment that doesn't require a person to accurately portray his or her positive and negative characteristics. We need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends. We need to watch each other serving and working.
...and last but not least...
7. Dating often becomes an end in itself. Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on either [a limbo]. Sadly, many people find little motivation for commiting themselves to marriage.
Old Habits Die Hard
All these defects can not merely be solved by "dating right." Just because its a Christian relationship, doesn't mean it won't have faults or temptations or flaws. Even Christians that can avoid the major pitfalls of premarital sex and traumatic breakups often spend much of their energy wrestling with temptation.
So, hopefully now you see what kind of dating needs to put it's head between it's legs and kiss it's butt goodbye!
It's time for a new attitude...
So, why kiss dating goodbye? Good question, really. Simple answer? Yes and no. Let me explain (via Joshua Harris).
Recap: "Dating in and of itself isn't the cause of the problems we see in relationships. Sinful and selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships - it's our own wrong attitudes and values that make for defective dating."
Josh used this example: A bar sells alcohol, but doesn't force anyone to drink. A bar isn't the cause of drunkeness, but it does "encourage" it. Just the same, "the system of dating can encourage the sinful desires of our hearts. No dating doesn't make us sin. And no, getting rid of it wouldn't solve all our problems in relationships. But it would be foolish to pretend that dating itself isn't at least part of the problem."
And as even the Christian world might have us think, self control in and of itself isn't the answer to all of our issues. Is the only mistake in a relationship giving into temptation? I would beg to differ. There's more to it than just outward self-control. Let me explain.
Josh says, "If we continue to date according to the system as it exists today, we'll more than likely swerve into trouble. Good intentions aren't enough."
He [Joshua Harris] presents 7 habits of highly defective dating [the following are all direct quotes from I Kissed Dating Goodbye]:
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship. One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and a girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly. C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal, [not standing face to face, the goal being each other.] Intimacy without friendship is superficial.
2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love. The early introduction of physical affection adds confusion. Just because lips have met doesn't mean hearts have joined. A physical relationship doesn't equal love! Sadly, many couples guage the seriousness of their relationship by the level of their physical involvement. Focusing on the physical is plainly sinful. God demands sexual purity. He does it for our own good! Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. He doesn't want us to live with guilt and regret. Physical involvement can make people feel close, but they will probably discover all they have in common is lust.
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships. It's [just plain] not wise to isolate yourself from others. You put yourself in a precarious position if you isolate yourself from the people who love and support you because you dive wholeheartedly into a romantic relationship not grounded in commitment. If you don't invest time or effort to maintain friendships with others while in a dating relationship, you will find your ties to other friends severed.
4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. Being distracted by love is not such a bad thing - unless God wants you doing something else. Instead of serving in their local church and equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes. Maintaining a relationship takes a lot of time and energy. The energy many exert steals from other pursuits.
...hang in there, only 3 more to go...
5. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness. God gives us singleness - a season in our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service - and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. We might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obviously doesn't have for us yet [i.e. marriage] to rob our ability to enjoy and appreciate what He has given us. Dating causes people to focus on what they don't have.
6. Dating can create an artifical environment for evaluating another person's character. Dating creates an artifical environment that doesn't require a person to accurately portray his or her positive and negative characteristics. We need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends. We need to watch each other serving and working.
...and last but not least...
7. Dating often becomes an end in itself. Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination - not ending but not moving on either [a limbo]. Sadly, many people find little motivation for commiting themselves to marriage.
Old Habits Die Hard
All these defects can not merely be solved by "dating right." Just because its a Christian relationship, doesn't mean it won't have faults or temptations or flaws. Even Christians that can avoid the major pitfalls of premarital sex and traumatic breakups often spend much of their energy wrestling with temptation.
So, hopefully now you see what kind of dating needs to put it's head between it's legs and kiss it's butt goodbye!
It's time for a new attitude...
Too much icing, too little cake (2)
{This is post #2, so if you haven't read #1 - Too much, too soon - you might want to read that first.}
THE JOY OF INTIMACY IS THE REWARD OF COMMITMENT.
We've all wanted it, maybe even pursued it sinfully. Yes, I'm talking about intimacy, that feeling that we desire so much and often get impatient when we don't have it.
"Often we're pursuing intimacy for the sake of intimacy - two people getting close to each other without any real intention of making a long-term commitment," said Joshua Harris.
Guilty.
I'll say it again. The "Little Relationship Principle" is:
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
"You might say that intimacy between a man and a woman is the icing on the cake of a relationship headed toward marriage. And if we look at intimacy that way, then it becomes obvious that most of our dating relationships are all icing," said Josh.
Most of us are (or were) in the same boat that Josh described himself in as a teenager: wanting to enjoy romance before marriage, to become intimate and close with whomever we want, without even considering commitment.
"Romantic passion is sweetest when it's growing out of a relationship that's deepening in devotion," says Harris. He goes on to say, "In His [God's] plan, the personal benefits of an intimate relationsihp - emotional or sexual - are always closely linked to self-sacrificial love and commitment to another person's long-term good."
DEFRAUD!
"Pursuing intimacy without commitment awakens desires - emotional and physical - that neither person can justly meet." That is defrauding, as described in 1 Thessalonians 4:6 (KJV). Pastor Stephen Olford describes defrauding as "arousing a hunger we cannot righteously satisfy."
"Intimacy without commitment, like icing without cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick."
But this doesn't mean we ignore or neglect our relationships with the opposite sex. God tells us as Christians we have a built-in level of commitment to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1-2). We're family!
Harris says, "The issue is whether the intimacy in your relationship is appropriate to your level of commitment."
So, if you gotten anything out of this, let it be that the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
THE JOY OF INTIMACY IS THE REWARD OF COMMITMENT.
We've all wanted it, maybe even pursued it sinfully. Yes, I'm talking about intimacy, that feeling that we desire so much and often get impatient when we don't have it.
"Often we're pursuing intimacy for the sake of intimacy - two people getting close to each other without any real intention of making a long-term commitment," said Joshua Harris.
Guilty.
I'll say it again. The "Little Relationship Principle" is:
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
"You might say that intimacy between a man and a woman is the icing on the cake of a relationship headed toward marriage. And if we look at intimacy that way, then it becomes obvious that most of our dating relationships are all icing," said Josh.
Most of us are (or were) in the same boat that Josh described himself in as a teenager: wanting to enjoy romance before marriage, to become intimate and close with whomever we want, without even considering commitment.
"Romantic passion is sweetest when it's growing out of a relationship that's deepening in devotion," says Harris. He goes on to say, "In His [God's] plan, the personal benefits of an intimate relationsihp - emotional or sexual - are always closely linked to self-sacrificial love and commitment to another person's long-term good."
DEFRAUD!
"Pursuing intimacy without commitment awakens desires - emotional and physical - that neither person can justly meet." That is defrauding, as described in 1 Thessalonians 4:6 (KJV). Pastor Stephen Olford describes defrauding as "arousing a hunger we cannot righteously satisfy."
"Intimacy without commitment, like icing without cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick."
But this doesn't mean we ignore or neglect our relationships with the opposite sex. God tells us as Christians we have a built-in level of commitment to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1-2). We're family!
Harris says, "The issue is whether the intimacy in your relationship is appropriate to your level of commitment."
So, if you gotten anything out of this, let it be that the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
stay tuned for more...
Too much, too soon (1)
"Like many high school relationships, our romance was premature - too much, too soon," says author of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Joshua Harris.
That, in essence, is the epitomy of high school relationships: too much, too soon (not to mention, too much, too soon that doesn't even need to happen!)
All us good, Christian teens know we need to keep our relationships pure, but that doesn't just mean sexually pure. While that is a huge part of purity, Josh Harris says, "God not only wants me to act differently [refrain from sexual immorality]; He wants me to think differently - to view love, purity, and singleness [yes, singleness!] from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle, and a new attitude."
He goes on to describe Christ's love for us [the church] as a model of what our relationships should look like: selfless! Not selfish, like most "dating" relationships in our world (many of which are too much, too soon), but selfless like a perfectly holy God sending His only Son to take away our sins, to make us white as snow. That is the ultimate example of what relationships should look like.
1 John 4:10-11 says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
"Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship.' They're not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or here even when there's nothing it it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her," says Josh.
Wow, take a moment and think about that. Powerful words right there.
He continues on and says, "I have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if I'm not ready to consider marriage. Until I can do that, I'd only be using that girl to meet my short-term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term."
I certainly don't want to be used, and [in application of the Golden Rule] don't want to use others!
"Before two people are married," says Josh, "love is expressed in self-control, patience, and even words left unsaid." Love is not expressed by sitting as close to each other as humanly possible or always holding hands or whispering sweet things in each other's ears. No, it's quite the opposite!
"When we make God's glory and other people's needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives as well," said Harris.
So, you know Josh Harris kissed dating goodbye, but maybe it seems to extreme to you. To make one thing clear, he doesn't suggest everyone completely stop dating. Some people are mature enough and have enough self-control, but let's be honest, we don't need to date, at least at my tender and young age of 15 (almost 16). I know I'm not ready for it. Take a hold of singleness while you still have it (this will come up later in the book, and in my blog).
"Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We'll answer to God."
That, in essence, is the epitomy of high school relationships: too much, too soon (not to mention, too much, too soon that doesn't even need to happen!)
All us good, Christian teens know we need to keep our relationships pure, but that doesn't just mean sexually pure. While that is a huge part of purity, Josh Harris says, "God not only wants me to act differently [refrain from sexual immorality]; He wants me to think differently - to view love, purity, and singleness [yes, singleness!] from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle, and a new attitude."
He goes on to describe Christ's love for us [the church] as a model of what our relationships should look like: selfless! Not selfish, like most "dating" relationships in our world (many of which are too much, too soon), but selfless like a perfectly holy God sending His only Son to take away our sins, to make us white as snow. That is the ultimate example of what relationships should look like.
1 John 4:10-11 says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
"Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship.' They're not to be about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or here even when there's nothing it it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her," says Josh.
Wow, take a moment and think about that. Powerful words right there.
He continues on and says, "I have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if I'm not ready to consider marriage. Until I can do that, I'd only be using that girl to meet my short-term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term."
I certainly don't want to be used, and [in application of the Golden Rule] don't want to use others!
"Before two people are married," says Josh, "love is expressed in self-control, patience, and even words left unsaid." Love is not expressed by sitting as close to each other as humanly possible or always holding hands or whispering sweet things in each other's ears. No, it's quite the opposite!
"When we make God's glory and other people's needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives as well," said Harris.
So, you know Josh Harris kissed dating goodbye, but maybe it seems to extreme to you. To make one thing clear, he doesn't suggest everyone completely stop dating. Some people are mature enough and have enough self-control, but let's be honest, we don't need to date, at least at my tender and young age of 15 (almost 16). I know I'm not ready for it. Take a hold of singleness while you still have it (this will come up later in the book, and in my blog).
"Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We'll answer to God."
Welcome!
My blog is titled, "When Cooties Disappear" because we all know they do at sometime, and it can throw us onto a crazy emotional rollercoaster. As a teenager, I've struggled with this, I am struggling with this, and I know I will struggle with this in the future, so I've recently begun my own personal study on a biblical view of Christian relationships. This started with the book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris, and the purpose of this blog is to write specifically about a biblical view about Christian relationships (especially dating/guy-girl relationships).
You can think of this blog as a book review, but I'd rather you think of it as thoughts from a Christian teenager on this hectic time in our life that will change who we are for the future as well as my thoughts on the books I'm reading on this subject.
You can think of this blog as a book review, but I'd rather you think of it as thoughts from a Christian teenager on this hectic time in our life that will change who we are for the future as well as my thoughts on the books I'm reading on this subject.
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